New Year's Resolutions?

For one, I've deleted all of the posts in this blog from last year. There were way too many things I was trying to forget, and having all of those reminders up on this blog was just too much. So, goodbye to those...

I wanted to blog everyday, then I realized how stupid that actually was. Nobody cares enough to listen to me talk about what happens on a daily basis.

Most of my goals for this year are private, and even the one I'm going to talk about is, but I think it should be made public for once. I want to show people how truly serious this problem is for me.

My problem is addiction. It's not a typical addiction, but it is an addiction nevertheless. I hate it, and I've always hated it. Yet, I continue to do it, and let it affect me and my friends who actually care about me. This year, my goal is to stop cutting. Better yet, stop self-mutilation. Self-mutilation includes cutting, burning, interfering with the healing of wounds, etc. There are many different reasons as to why I'm doing this, but the main reason is for myself. Before, I never really cared much about myself enough to tell myself that this is bad for me. I (really) started in September of 2007. I started bothering with the topic of self-mutilation at the beginning of my freshman year in high school (which was in 2006), but I began doing it on a regular basis starting late 2007. There were many different triggers as to why I started regularly, but I'm not getting into that. I just want to stop. I know, many of you probably are telling me to "just stop". It's definitely way harder than you think. There are moments where I completely break down because I want to cut so bad. Cutting is my pain mechanism. It may not be yours, but it's mine. And I don't think I should be judged for trying to handle pain and things. There have only been a handful of people that I've run into that have actually told me to stop. Most people that I talk to about this problem simply tell me I'm stupid, it solves nothing, and that I'm looking for attention. THAT does not help at all. Only two people in my life have ever told me that I needed to stop. One of them I don't talk to anymore, and one of them I still do. Most of my good friends have just told me it was stupid, or have never actually given an opinion. I have a few friends that are cutters as well, and I know they're not the best people to go for support for stopping. I've stopped before, but I always relapse.

My goal for 2010 is to stop cutting, and to stop for good.

I don't care if any of you think it's stupid, but telling me it's stupid isn't going to help, so don't even try.